i think i have hit that amount of time in site/service, where what is considered normal/appropriate conversation is no longer filtered before leaving my mouth. in the past 3 days i have noticed that i have become exponentially more awkward, and honestly, not for the better. this makes me hesitant to have any conversations with any normal human being.
1. on sunday i met with my country director at an event. he made a comment on how i appear to have lost weight (honestly, god bless him because i feel the opposite with all the starches and sugar i take in), to which i made a quick response without thinking, “thanks. i have just been enjoying the food here and EVERYTHING that comes with it.” i immediately did a face palm. we, as volunteers, are accustomed to our bowel problems and talking about it openly with each other. however, i would say sharing such information with your country director is a whole other story. after i made this overshare of a quip, he repeated the phrase slowly to himself to make sense of it, and then realized the undertone of the message and started laughing. i was red with embarrassment and quickly switched the subject to his family. woops.
2. last night was my town’s iñikuk. this is a native pageant that showcases the moche language and culture and as well as the girls’ talents as well. they were kind enough to showcase me as well. they gave me a formal introduction and had me stand up and the hundreds of people their applauded. this was the opposite of my preferred stay in invisible as much as a gringa can mentality. then i was asked to hand all the candidates their questions for the question and answer portion. the mc then started asking me a lot questions, to which he asked if texas was near mexico. i said yes, and also new mexico and oklahoma. why???? the mc was starting to chuckle a bit. my nerves, they just got to me. why would anyone find oklahoma relevant here (no offense) or even new mexico??? yet, i still used them as a point of reference while i had a lot of blank stares. i just wanted to run. but instead i tried to gracefully give the girls their question cards. also, i wish there was warning about my stage debut….i would have brushed my teeth or put on some makeup or something….
anyways, moral of the story is that i am awkward. i am embracing it. so should you.